Concussions are tricky beasts. Each person that has one is affected in a different way and it's really never predictable. More often than not, people recover fairly quickly. For the rest of us, a concussion that doesn't heal within a few months is called Post Concussion Syndrome. Then if it's still hanging around for over a year or so, it becomes Persistent Post Concussion Syndrome. They have no interest in leaving you in peace. People can have sensitivities to light, sounds, smells, computers, books, and the worst of them all for me, strobe lights. Basically any of your senses can be thrown into overdrive and become painful and often times impossible to handle. Attention deficits become problematic as well. Fun times!
I have talked to many people who know someone who has had a brain trauma. Often I hear comments about how much faster their recovery has been compared to mine. The one thing people need to understand, is that there is no set schedule for recovery. It takes time and rest for the brain to heal. Things come back to you slowly, almost to the point where you don't notice improvements without them being pointed out to you.
For me, HDTVs, books, computer screens, smells, loud noises and bright places have been the hardest problems. I couldn't mix high visual stimulation with verbal conversations for months, even still, at times now. If I were talking on the phone, I couldn't be looking around at anything. If I were on the phone, it was for a minute or two at a time, usually to a doctor's office. It took a long time for me to be able to look at my computer screen. Now I last up to an hour. Which is why I was able to start writing.
When I started this blog, I was going to try to set up a schedule for when I would publish a new post, like every Monday for example. Now, I'm realizing I just need to write when I am up for it and not worry about setting a schedule. Yet.
Speaking of attention issues, I started out wanting to write about how this has effected my ability to cook, not a general talk about the problems that come along with concussions. Now, I'm not so sure that's where this piece is wanting to go.
One thing that is on the schedule every day is dinner. I kind of don't have a choice with that because I have a couple teenagers and a 9 going on 20 year old daughter, who really insist on eating at least 3 times per day.
Like what I did there right? Brought it back to cooking. Well, I forced myself to make that happen!
For those of you who know me, you know I love to bake and you know I'm pretty good at it too. Well, right after the accident, I didn't cook dinner or even make myself any snacks. The pain kept me in bed most of the time and I had to rely on others to do it all for me. After a few months went by, I was able to do little things here and there, but still not cook a whole meal. I always had a hard time coming up with ideas of what to make for dinner. Still happens almost daily now. I have become used to going to the grocery store many times each week just because I can't plan things out.
An moment stands out to me from few months after the accident. I remember laying in bed and one of the kids was starving. You know what I'm talking about if you're a parents. That OMG the whole world is going to fall apart if I don't get food right this very second kind of hungry. I think we all were home that night. I remember falling apart because I simply could not figure out how to cook a hot dog on a frying pan. Something so simple that I've done probably hundreds of times now. For the life of me, I could not figure it out. Couldn't see the steps it took in my mind, couldn't even think that I would need to take a pan out of the cabinet, where the hot dogs were stored, even how to turn the stove on.
Seriously. My mind was completely blank.
Some time went on and I was able to figure out how to make cupcakes from a box, scrambled eggs and a few other simple things. I still couldn't come up with ideas of things to make on my own. Over the Summer we had the same meal every night. Well most nights. I would slap some seasoning on chicken thighs and grill them, cook some corn from a local farm and a side of fresh veggies. Some how that meal never got old, which is good because that's all I could manage for months.
This Fall, I started Speech Therapy. One of the first issues we worked on was teaching myself to cook and bake again. One session she had me write down everything I needed to make my "famous" apple pie. The was a very challenging task ad upsetting because that is a recipe I have done hundreds of times and haven't needed to look at the directions for years now. I remember going through my cabinets in my mind and taking out each item I would need, grabbing the correct pie pan, preheating the oven, mixing the ingredients in the correct order, cutting the apples just right and layering them in the crust just so. I remember getting stuck on a couple of the ingredients, and eventually letting them go. It took an entire sheet of paper to write it all down and a lot of going back in and adding things I had forgotten. but, I did it. I broke the entire process down into the smallest of steps and it worked.
The next two sessions we worked on grocery shopping. Ugh, I still have a hard time with this. Sometimes I use a list, sometimes I don't. Either way, I feel victorious if I leave with most of what I needed to remember. Meal planning is hard for me still. The grocery lists I made with her, all revolved around meal planning. I'll tell ya, I can't stick to a meal planning guide for anything. Maybe if I plan a week's worth of meals, I will make just one of the meals. Some days, I am all about the baking and cooking, others I am so tired by the end of the day that I barely have energy to eat, let alone cook a meal for everyone. There's a local pizza place that sells these great slices and is right down the street from us. Dinner is done that way once or twice a week, every week.
Premaking and freezing meals would probably be an excellent thing for me to do. Of course, I'd have to make the time and conserve the energy to make that happen in the first place. It's an ongoing struggle for me. There are times that I choose to just lay down and watch tv, when I could be doing something productive. I spend energy doing "fun" things a lot of the time. Being stuck at home for so long, by myself most of the time, really took its toll on me and I feel like I am playing catch up with that. Another cost/benefit thing. Do I take care of emotional needs or do I take care of practical needs?
Dinner planning really should become more of a priority. I think it is going to require more help from the rest of the family to help make that happen. Go through our freezers and refrigerator, find out what we have, make a list of dinners we want, do the shopping needed and make it happen, each week. It would make me feel better on nights when I am in the pool from 6:15-7:45, after the kids have swim and soccer practices. Those are usually the pizza nights. Grab each kid a slice on the way home. Simple. I think having something in the oven, waiting for them when they get home, might be a better idea. OK This is a new goal for me. I'm sure meal planning will be a lost more cost effective as well!!
Baking, on the other hand, is easier for me to do now and a big part of why I have gained 25 pounds in such a short amount of time. Once I figured out how to bake again, that's all I did for a few months. Baking, baking, baking. Which lead to eating, eating, eating. Add in the lack of exercise and that was a recipe for disaster for my waistline. It feels really great to be able to bake once again and I have backed off from making sweets. I was making cupcakes, cookie bars, breads, muffins and desserts All The Time!! I would be so happy to be able to bake, immediately clean everything I used up and leave the kitchen spotless. All the sweets would last a day or two. Seriously, not good for any of us.
After not being able to do something for so long, it is hard to hold back once I was able to do it again. That has been the case across the board for anything effected in my life. Once I could walk again, I worked up to walking 7+ miles at a time. When I was able to do laundry again, well I really haven't stopped. When I was able to drive myself to do errands, I take advantage and do it. Sweeping was also a huge accomplishment and I end up doing that several times per day now just because I can. Everything that was taken away from me after the accident, I have not taken for granted since. Maybe someday the novelty of all of these will wear off, but I'm not there yet and I appreciate everything.
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