The background story

Some days are simple, some days are complicated. Either way, my new "normal" days all start the same. Me, hitting the snooze button on my alarm for an hour, because I can never seem to get enough sleep anymore. My boys (Anthony, 15 & Justin, 12) get themselves up and ready for school. Occasionally I get up before they leave and get to have tea with one, coffee for the other. Sometimes I'm just awake enough to say a few things to them, like remember to brush your teeth and wash your face (or how it usually comes out, 'wash you teeth and brush your face'), I love you and have a good day, don't forget that xyz thing you need to bring... Other times, I wake up and they're already gone.

First day of High School and Middle School Fall 2012

I find myself more awake by 7 when my daughter (Aaliyah, 9) needs to get up. Most days at least. She's pretty good about remembering everything she needs to do each day, so that helps me a lot. She's not the best morning person, so there's not too much conversation until just before she leaves. She cheers right up and heads off to start her day. 

First day of 3rd Grade Fall 2012

It has been helpful that they are older and can take care of themselves for the most part. I was hands-on with them for so many years. Making their lunches, packing their bags, making sure all their homework was done, washing and putting away their clothes. You know the drill. My husband has worked so hard for so many years, so that I could stay home with them. To be really honest, there were some rough years. I felt lonely being with little kids all day. I craved adult interaction. Play dates for the kids, were mommy dates with other parents for me as well. Looking back, I wouldn't have done it any other way. What a treasure to have that time with them. I am so thankful I was able to have that opportunity, and all because this amazing guy I married, worked so hard. 

Family Christmas card picture 2012

I started working in October 2010 for the first time since I had my first child in July 1997. I was working at these great local Mexican restaurants called Bueno y Sano. It was so hard. The work, the schedules, family time, taking care of my body and health. It was a challenge that we all had a hard time adjusting to. Paul, all of a sudden, had to do the hands-on part of taking care of the kids when I was at work. making sure each kid was where they were supposed to be, fed and homework done. A big shift in roles and a lot of things fell thru the cracks. We kept going. Life got faster and faster, busier and busier. We never seemed to find just the right balance. I missed out on a lot, but was focused. I started classes to become a certified personal trainer. I was working a lot, almost full time. It started to feel like we were all on separate paths, passing by each other once in awhile. Our marriage was crumbling around us. It's amazing how much is not said when people get so busy with their own lives. 

Over Christmas vacation, the college students were gone and I was able to work a little less. In early January 2012, I had a rare Sunday afternoon off and my daughter had a Girl Scout field trip to hike and do a scavenger hunt at the Quabbin Reservoir. I was thrilled that I was able to go with her. We had a lot of fun and got really cold! On the way back, we stopped for hot cocoa at DDs then went to Target because we were out of cat litter and one of the boys needed deodorant. Finally warmed up and had everything we needed, we headed home. By this time, I was tired and ready to relax for the rest of the night, before another busy week. We made it to the last set of lights we would have to wait for before we got home. Followed a PVTA bus into the intersection, which was turning right. Because I was relaxed at this point, not in a rush, I waited for the bus to turn in front of me, instead of going out and around, then going through the intersection. I started driving straight, saw the bus tail lights in my peripheral vision, then headlights and impact. 

Someone had driven through their red light and drove right into the passenger side of my car. The next thing I remember is hearing my daughter scream. She was screaming like I have never heard any of my kids scream before. The smell was awful. The side airbags had gone off, but I didn't notice that right away. I just had to get to my daughter. I jumped out and grabbed her. (This was the last time I was able to pick my daughter up) We then ran towards the other car to see if they were ok. (Because this case will go to litigation and possibly trial, I won't go into detail about the people from the other car, just that we know them) I had no idea what had happened at first. They just kept saying they were sorry and it was their fault. They hadn't been paying attention to what was in front of them. They called the police who got there in just a few minutes. The tow trucks came, which happened to be based right around the corner, and picked up both cars. I had called my husband twice. The first time I called, all I said was that we were in an accident, that we were ok and where we were. It took me awhile to realize he needed to come pick us up as well. Luckily, he knew better and was on his way the second time I called. The whole scene was picked up in less than 20 minutes and we were on our way back home! 

That's when the pain started to kick in. We had declined a trip in the ambulance thinking we'd be ok. Boy that adrenaline is some strong stuff! On the way home, my daughter was saying she had a headache. I had no idea if she had hit her head. She was sitting behind me in our Pilot. I started to get a headache, but I was just thinking it was from just being in an accident. As we turned onto our street, the pain started to come strong. My neck, shoulders, back. It got bad real quick. We got home, just in time to decide to turn around and go to the emergency room. As we drove past the intersection where the accident happened, that's when it all came rushing back to me. There had been people stopped on all sides of the intersection when the accident happened and not one of them stopped. A father and his child had stopped shortly after it happened to see if we needed to call the police, but they were already on their way. No one stopped after they saw it happen and seeing a little girl having been in the car. I still have a hard time with that, to this day. 

We got to the hospital, after a very painful ride over and the doctor basically said I was going to be in a lot of pain in the coming days, gave me a few prescriptions for pain meds and muscle relaxers and said if I needed to, I could schedule an appointment with my primary in a few days. It was all very fast and were we back home just about 2 hours after the accident happened. 

This happened January 8, 2012. Today is April 1, 2013. Almost 15 months later. I will go back and talk about all the different things that have happened since the accident, the injuries that I have, the treatments, the pain, headaches and migraines, impact this has had on my family and friends. I will talk about my moods, trials and errors, relearning how to do things with a concussion. My marriage and how our 15th anniversary last May, was the best anniversary to date. The keys to building a great support system. Making sure you get to the right specialist. What my new "normal" days look like. It is incredibly important to keep a positive attitude when you're looking at long term health problems. The days become dark and painful. Painful beyond physical pain. I have dealt with a lot of pain just so I could be in my kids lives, so I could see there sports or school events. I have learned to say NO to things I just can't handle. I have learned time is precious and not to take any moment for granted. I have learned the value of communication.  Most important of all, I learned the value of smiling all the way thru.